Welcome to a dynamic new podcast that's set to transform the way we think about work and its impact on our lives! In this new groundbreaking series, Superpowers at Work, brought to you by Siero Media, we dive deep into the realm of workplace culture, emphasizing the pivotal role of love and respect. In our inaugural episode, host Sissy Siero is joined by Dr. Andrea Hollingsworth, an empathy expert, researcher and author, to dive into the importance of compassionate workplace culture.  ‍

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Sissy Siero: You know that incredible feeling you get when someone really understands you? When you're seen, when you're heard. Just knowing that somebody else gets it can be one of the greatest comforts in the world.  I'm Sissy Siero, and today on our first episode of Superpowers At Work, we're learning all about the science of compassion and why it's such an important advantage for your business 

Andrea Hollingsworth: I am Dr. Andrea Hollingsworth. It is fantastic to be here.

Sissy Siero: Dr. Hollingsworth is a psychotherapist and author who specializes in compassionate leadership.

SS: Oh, deep breath, here we are. Oh (laughter)  

AH: Lovely. I love it. Perfect. 

SS: Ah. So, what's taking up your head space lately? 

AH: What's taking out my headspace lately? I love the way you asked that. This is something that I've been talking about this a lot. When people say, how are you? I recently came across some research. 96% of people in, in the workplace will not respond honestly, when say when you ask, how are you? And so it's like, how can we all ask how are you in a different way that opens people up? So that's fantastic. 

So actually a couple weeks ago I came across this fascinating study, and it's a little bit older, early 2000s. But it really demonstrated the incredible financial value of prioritizing emotional bonds in the workplace. Couple of sociologists out of Stanford did it, and I am absolutely obsessed with it.

SS: Mm-hmm. 

AH: In the late nineties, early 2000s. It was a longitudinal study and they were curious about which startups would last and which ones would flourish financially. And they focused on three different founding principles. So the first one was money. When we hire people here, these people are gonna be high potential individuals who can count on being exceptionally compensated for their work.

Second principle was professionalism. People who work here will be outstandingly skilled specialists who can count on being challenged, given opportunities to flourish professionally. And the third one was love. People who work here will be highly fitted with others on the team and can count on exceptional levels of care in the workplace. Right? 

And as it turned out, so only 13.9% of the startups prioritize love as a founding premise, which isn't surprising. Pretty significant minority. But when the founders focused on that, they called it the commitment group, building emotional bonds, shared values, etcetera, they saw really a striking difference, in terms of longevity. It was those companies, those startups that lasted, outlasted, the other groups financially. And also, the love , the love startups got initial offerings three times more often when they went public with it. And it just, to me, it speaks to….You know, when organizations prioritize these bonds, they build a work culture where you get, you know, like we were talking about earlier, people see me, they know me, they care for me, they respect me. And then your nervous system, you know, I'm a therapist, so I’m always thinking about, how to, how to soothe the nervous system so that we can feel good together and do our best work together. That was just a part of how things worked there. And so these businesses thrived because of the prioritization of belonging, care and compassion in the workplace.  

And, I often have to make a case for compassion because people tell me, is there a business case for that? You know, well actually there is, if you do some digging, there really, really is. 

SS: Tell us just a few of those numbers,those percentages? 

AH: Yeah. So, so many organizations the past couple years have been struggling with turnover and maybe not as much now, but you know, there was this, this whole thing about the great resignation. 

SS: no, it's still happening . believe me. 

AH: Yeah, yeah. It’s still happening. The great resignation. There, there’s some really striking stuff out there about the impact of compassionate work cultures on, on loyalty and reduction of, of turnover. Hougaard and Carter wrote a wonderful book last year on compassionate leadership, and they did some original research as a part of that, and they found that employees who experience their manager as compassionate have a 36% higher commitment to the organization. And there are lots of other stats I could throw out. Um, some really fascinating research out there of 76% of workers who feel their manager is compassionate are highly engaged at work, highly engaged at work. So over three quarters. And that's as compared to 32% of employees who don't have, you know, they feel a compassionate manager are highly engaged at work. So there's a pretty big difference there.  Other things like innovation and creativity are also a big part of that. 87% of employees say mutual empathy between leaders and employees increases innovation and creativity and efficiency in the workplace. So it just creates this environment where people wanna stay. They feel good, they have an easier time being engaged and staying engaged because work feels like the place where they can be human.

SS: Yes. Oh my God, we're there for so many hours.Everybody's together for so many hours. 

AH: Yes. So many hours.

SS:  So that's kind of the practical side of compassion. So just how would you define compassion for yourself and in your work and how does that definition, uh, carry through to how you disseminate this knowledge to help people in companies? 

AH: Yeah. Absolutely. So, you know, there's a lot of talk about empathy in the workplace. There's a little bit about compassion. But I think this is a really important question to ask because people often sort of, um, assume they're kind of basically the same thing, but there, there are some really important differences. So empathy just means feeling with somebody else, feeling experiencing what they're experiencing. I can empathize with someone who certainly I can empathize with someone who recently lost someone that they love, but I can also empathize with somebody who is eating an amazing ice cream cone. And I can feel how good it tastes, and I want some. Um, so that's empathy. It's, it's a very broad kind category for feeling with somebody else. Compassion includes that feeling with a person, another person or another group includes empathy, but it goes way beyond it in a couple of ways. Compassion is, it has to do with suffering. So the, the root, etymologically, the root of compassion is the Latin koom and then the Latin patti, which means to suffer with, to suffer with the other. And so compassion is tuning into somebody who's in pain, stressed, somebody who's struggling. So there's a pain element to compassion. You're empathizing with someone in pain. 

The second really important element is, is action. So empathy, you know, you feel with somebody and maybe nothing happens. Compassion has a very active element to it. So you are going to do something to help alleviate the suffering of the other person, even if it's small. So there's an active and um advocacy element to compassion. So it does some good, and for that reason, it's strong, it's powerful. It, it has a little bit more muscle , I think than empathy does. 

SS: yeah, yeah. 

SS VO: So empathy is a broad term for sharing and sensing other people's emotions, while compassion has to do with an element of suffering and not just listening and relating, actively responding.

AH: I do a lot of breakout groups where people can talk to each other, and one of the elements of feedback I've gotten so often is that people find it so refreshing to simply know that others are experiencing the same levels of stress that they are 

SS: Yes. 

Andrea Hollingsworth: And they're not alone. It’s that common humanity element  

SS: Right. 

Andrea Hollingsworth: Right. Uh, where we, you know, part, of, of what feels good of about compassion is simply being like, like we've talked about, simply being seen and understood. And it goes a long way in terms of giving us the resilience that we need to keep going when it's, it's not easy.

SS: Yeah. Yeah. 

Andrea Hollingsworth: I talk about, um, four different elements of compassionate culture. I talk about self-compassion, I talk about awareness, just simply being aware of what people are going through, just the first step. And so much works against our awareness. 

SS: Mm-hmm. 

AH: it's, it's a distracted world we're in. I talk about empathy, feeling with the other, and then I talk about action because when you have empathy, but you don't move to an action piece, which is key to compassion, you get indifference and incompetence, not, not compassionate support.

SS: Right. 

Andrea Hollingsworth: Right so lots of strategies and support for people who are needing it and, hopefully some culture change that comes out of it. Yeah.

SS: Yeah. Interesting. So, in your book, you talk about maladaptive perfectionism. That really struck a chord with me. 

Andrea Hollingsworth: Oh, yes. Absolutely.  I'm gonna start with a story on this one, maladaptive perfectionism. 

SS: Great.

AH: I am a recovering maladaptive perfectionist. (laughter)

SS: I am too. And my name is Sissy. Hi, Sissy. Okay, go ahead. 

Andrea Hollingsworth: Hi, Sissy. Yes. Yeah, so this is something that so many leaders struggle with and, uh, or just high levels of self-criticism. You know, that inner critic just sort of, haranguing you all the time to do better and to, to achieve more and, and to burn the candle on both ends because you're so afraid of failing. When I was in academia, this, this was my life. I, um, you know, I was very successful, but nobody saw that. A lot of it depended on this harsh voice of my inner critic. I remember I was giving this talk one time at Princeton and I was talking about, medieval, uh, meditative practices and modern day brain science. That was what I did. And this gray bearded scholar stood up after my talk. I thought it went well, but he had kind of been scowling at me and I was kind of worried. So sure enough, during the q and a, he gets up and he says, did you look at the original Latin of that text that you were referencing? Because in the original Latin, it seems to indicate that, you know, and then I'm not gonna bore you – 

SS: Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm snoring already. I'm so, as soon as I heard original latin. Okay, go ahead. 

AH: Exactly. Right? I was a deeply, deeply maladaptive perfectionist. So my inner critics sprang into action and said, learn Latin now, you slacker. 

SS: Oh my goodness. 

AH: Because I had taught myself neuroscience and all kinds of things, but no, like, I didn't look at the original Latin. I was reading off a translation. So I added to my impossibly full schedule of teaching and research and committees and mentoring, learning Latin. So 3:30 AM my alarm goes off. I'm looking at my Latin flashcards. 

SS: Oh my god. 

AH: You can predict what happened. I burned out. I mean, I, I quit academia about a year later because of my, I just, I was so hard on myself, and I do sometimes wonder what would've happened if I would've learned about self-compassion earlier. But lots of leaders struggle with maladaptive perfectionism, especially if they're high achievers, and it's marked by just really high levels of inner criticism. It can be marked by, um, criticism of others. You have these really super high expectations for yourself so you can get kind of irritable and angry at others who aren't measuring up. You tend to isolate because you don't wanna look stupid and make a mistake. You have high levels of anxiety and depression. Um, it's just a really hard way to live with yourself.

SS: mm 

AH: And it, um, it impacts performance and happiness and wellbeing and all kinds of things. And it, it, it can lead to burnout if it's unaddressed. And it did with me.

SS: Do you think, or do you see some of the effects of being listened to where they share stories but how that can affect people, like on a cellular level, you know, when we talk about wellbeing and health? 

AH: Mm-hmm. . . Yeah. So there's this thing that, you know, I'm gonna use some psycho babble.

SS: I love it. Please. I, oh, oh, my wife is a therapist, full disclosure. And two of our best friends are therapists. So I speak it a little, go ahead. 

AH: There you go. Yeah. So there's this thing that interpersonal neurobiologists talk about. Co-regulation is, is one of the ways of talking about it. Attunement or, or relational resonance would be other, other terms. But there's something that happens on a biological level when people are intentional about leaning into one another. And I'm not actually being wholly metaphorical there, although we sort of lean in with our hearts. 

SS: Hmm. 

AH: But actually taking your, your torso while you're engaging with a group or with another, another colleague or someone on your team and leaning toward them and looking them in the eyes and relaxing your shoulders and taking some deep breaths and cultivating that sense of connected calm within yourself and focus on them. These are absolutely huge when it comes to creating a culture where people feel good and feel like they belong in the workplace. Daniel Coyle, I love his book, the Culture Code.  At the beginning he references some research done on leaders who are exceptionally gifted at creating belonging and they do have these very subtle things that they do with their body and they're not aware of it.

SS: Mm-hmm. 

AH: But they do it naturally and it, it has to do with their tone of voice, and they're leaning in and they're nodding and they're encouraging. Even when people are being maybe a little bit cantankerous in a meeting, or even when people are disengaged and, and not participating. Refusing to get sucked into that negative energy and showing up with a body language that says, yeah, that negativity can't get to me because I am so full of welcome.

SS: Mm 

AH: And encouragement and enthusiasm for you and for this whole team that I'm just not gonna let it mow us down. We’re here to get stuff done and we care about each other. Get in the game.

SS: mm. Absolutely. I love that you said that I know one of the hardest things for me and I see with other people too, is to lean in when you're not hearing things you want to hear.

AH: Yeah. I have to say though, that, I mean you can be a compassionate leader and have very hard corrective conversations with people.

SS: Right. Yes. 

AH: And you need to, I mean, leaders have to be able to say hard things with heart. That's part of the deal. 

SS:Sure

AH: Because I think there's sometimes this assumption that, well, if we're talking about compassionate leadership, we're talking about something soft and squishy and completely ineffective.

SS: Right. 

AH: And that's just not the case. You have to be able to do and say hard things there, but there are ways to do that with heart. There really are.

SS: Tell me one of them, tell me one that you, you use that works? 

AH: Right. Just being honest when somebody, you know, comes in and you have to have a difficult conversation saying, I have to have a difficult conversation with you. Starting out just with, with that clarity. Because clarity does create a sense of safety and connection, even if it's a tough thing. The other thing I would say is… you know, if someone messes up or they really pissed you off, which is totally understandable and human, it happens all the time at work. Do your catharsis first. I mean, do all your yelling and kicking and screaming and swearing beforehand. (laughter) So, so that it's not gonna come out in that meeting with that person.

SS: Right. 

AH: And then when you're offering feedback to people that maybe is corrective, you want, you wanna be able to communicate, you know, I see the best in you and I see the potential in you. And I realize maybe, you know, you're not living into it right now, but I'm not gonna define you by your worst moment here. 

And I'm reminded of a study that I, I came across a couple years back. Um, some psychologists from Stanford and Yale and Columbia got together and they had middle schoolers write. They each wrote an essay, these middle schoolers, and then they had teachers deliver different kinds of feedback to the, the middle schoolers.

And they discovered that there was this one form of feedback that was so incredible in its ability to boost student effort and performance even after the student had maybe, you know, made a bunch of mistakes in the essay that they called it Magical Feedback.

SS: Hmm. 

AH: Magical Corrective Feedback. And here’s what it. It was 19 words. Very simple. 

SS: Yeah. 

AH: I'm giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them. Right. I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them. I just love it because I feel like that's the baseline. Like, look, we hired you for a reason. You have potential. How can I support you as you see yourself into everything you're capable of here? 

SS: Wow, that's so simple, so powerful. It really kind of hit me in the heart when you just said that. Wow. Right. It's not just about the culture and the company. This is so much about people's lives.

AH: Mm-hmm. It really is. 

SS: And, and what do you see like the social impact of, of love and respect and compassion? How do you see it? 

AH: That’s such a good question. You've probably heard it said live each day like it's your last, I was recently listening to a speaker by the name of Ag Madino, and he said, that we should try out another saying, in addition to that one, treat each person as if it's their last day on earth.

SS: Hmm. 

AH: Treat each person as if it's their last day on Earth. Just, so, just imagine for a second some of the implications if, you know, the most difficult person at work, you know, you imagine, you know, they're, they're gonna die this, they're gonna die tomorrow. And then how does that change, how does that change your presence with them? I'd be willing to bet that you'd show them a bit more appreciation, a bit more goodwill, a bit more gratitude, a bit more love than you have before. Because they're, they're a human being and all of us, our lives are short. And, when we get treated like a cog in a wheel, and when we don't have permission to be human at work, it has an impact on our lives. But all of a sudden, when you can start to see, like, this is, this is about life. This is about meaning, this is about purpose, this is about value, and how can that fan out? So when people start to experience that kind of connection and respect at work, I mean, implications of that could be, could be pretty huge. When people get permission to be human being first, you know, before they’re another P T O request or before they're another lineman who's not meeting quota or whatever it.

SS: hmm. 

AH: Like I'm a human being before anything else here. 

AH: And that is really, if you ask me that, that's what it's about. And when we lose sight of that anywhere, including at work, we need to get back on track because, because life is short (laughter). 

SS: Hm, 

AH: Life is really, really short.

SS: It's so true. What practical steps do you teach that leaders that other people can take to pave that pathway to compassion? To open up to compassion and actually use it as a, a tool? 

AH: Absolutely. I can give you…let me start with self-compassion, because I have found that leaders struggle so much with this, and there's this one tool that I offer to people that really seems to be helpful. So, uh, it's called the self-compassion break. It comes out of the research of Dr. Kristen Neff. 

And it's three phrases that you say to yourself so you can close your eyes, put your hand on your heart if you’d like, take a deep breath and call to call to mind something that is hard for you right now, something that you're struggling with. And then inwardly you say to yourself, three things. This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. Just three small phrases that you say to yourself.

It causes you to be aware of the suffering and not engulfed in it. It reminds you that suffering is something that other people are going through too, and you're not alone. And then third, it's an intentional kind of kick in the pants to choose kindness because we don't often do that as a default.

So it can be something as small as getting up from your desk and refilling your water bottle and taking a few deep breaths and saying, that was a mistake and I, you know, I deserve another chance at this and I'm not gonna hold it against myself. 

SS: Hmm. I love that I did it with you while you were talking about it. I think that was so great. 

AH: Good!

SS: It's beautiful. 

SS: You have to be deliberate, right, in making your workplace compassionate. And that's why we're bringing these stories to you. Because we have to bring this message to corporate America.

Sissy Siero: Thanks so much to Dr. Andrea Hollingsworth for joining us today. You can find out more about her work at hollingsworthconsulting.com. And thank you to our superpowers team, our producer and sound designer, Rae Kantrowitz, and our glorious assistant producer and communications expert, Ilana Nevins. We're so happy you joined us today and we've got got some beautiful shows coming up and it would mean the world to us if you would lean over and hit that little button that says subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sissy Siero, be well.